How do you start something new? 

Getting started on something new can be hard. 

Sticking to it can be even harder. 

Why? 

Do we lack motivation? Maybe. 

Do we lack the necessary skills? Possibly. 

Are we broken? Yes. 

Wait, what? 

The system or engine we have in place to get started on something new and stick to it is most definitely broken. 

It's not your fault. It's what we've been wrongly taught — that the key to change is just the will to do so. 

If this were true, we wouldn't have the explosion of life coaches we've seen the last few years. 

So what's gone wrong? 

Change through willpower alone is a static, linear process. It's a set of steps on a path between where you are now and where you want to be. 

Just follow the steps. Simple. 

Only it's not. 

Things go wrong. We stumble at the first, second, third or every step. 

Should it be taking this much effort? Am I doing it wrong? 

If change were just a series of steps between one condition and another, shouldn't it be easier? 

It should be, but it's not. Why? 

1. Because we're trying to change using the same set of patterns that got us where we are now — your beliefs, your actions, your habits, your moods, your behaviours.

2. We have no idea if the conditions we're aiming for are even a good fit for us. (There are warning signs, of course — all the negativity that blows up in the attempt — but we ignore all that.)

And why is it we treat each new attempt at change as starting again? 

Haven't we already started (and probably failed)? 

Shouldn't we be able to just keep going from where we are? 

Nope. Got to do the steps, right back to the beginning. 

Alright then, Darren. I'm guessing you have a different way of approaching change. So let me have it. 

Firstly, a question:

“What is it you're trying to change?”

It's a feeling, right? You want the old feeling to go away and a new feeling in its place. A better feeling. One that makes you feel good, yes? 

Because the thing or things you're doing at the moment are making you feel bad, correct? 

Wrong. 

If it was the thing you're doing making you feel bad, then everyone doing that thing would feel the same. And they're not. And they don't. 

Now, read that again. I'll wait. 

If it was the thing you're doing making you feel bad, then everyone doing it would feel the same. And they're not. And they don't. 

The value you add to circumstances and conditions in your life are up to you.

For example, I taught myself to enjoy washing up. I taught myself to smile when paying bills. I've taught myself to enjoy working out and getting fit rather than grimacing at the thought of the effort required. 

And that's the big thing — it’s the effort required to change that we despise, that causes so much blow-back. 

It's the effort, and it’s the thoughts attached to that effort, and it’s the consequences of not making the effort. 

Even the effort needed to create the motivation to inspire the effort in the first place. 

Exhausting, right? 

Try this. 

I want you to go and get a glass of water in three different ways. 

The first, you're not going to attach any thoughts, any emotions, nothing. You're just going to simply switch off. You're going to stand up and you're going to go and get yourself a glass of water. What I want you to do while you're doing that is just be fully aware of every single action that you take. So go and do that now. Go and grab a glass of water in a neutral state and then come back. 

Secondly, I want you to dredge up a negative experience. I want you to immerse yourself in that experience as much as you can so that you get the full brunt of the emotions involved in it. And then I want you to go and get another glass of water. And once again, be aware of the actions the whole way through. So in a negative state, go and grab another glass of water. 

All right. I've said three glasses. Can you guess what the third glass is? 

That's right. Positive. So think of something that makes you feel good. Immerse yourself in that emotion, in that feeling, and then go and grab yourself a third glass of water. Again, remaining aware the whole time of every part of the experience and action. 

Now, when you come back, you should have noticed something — it’s easier when it's positive, yeah? 

But, it's not always easy to drop into or to create a positive mood. 

So what I tell people is don't reach for positive, just reach for neutral. 

Now, we've been taught our whole lives that feelings and emotions are the same thing. They're not. 

Feelings are what we perceive based on what we receive. They are energetic in nature and they hold a neutral value. 

Emotions are what we generate based on our evaluation of circumstances, and they can be positive or negative. 

For most, feelings are interpreted as emotions. 

We place values, or try to place values, on invaluable things. 

So time is invaluable, money is invaluable, our lives are invaluable. This doesn't mean they have no value. It means that we place the value on them. 

Now, based on our perception, based on our beliefs (which are normally the beliefs we've been taught by others), we place a value on everything. 

And a lot of the times we're placing negative values on circumstances and experiences that are neutral. 

A better way to approach change is to get ready for it, to prepare the conditions necessary for the change you desire and then allow it to unfold. 

This isn't just ‘fake it till you make it’ — it’s ‘feel it till the connection is made’. 

If you'd like to learn more, there'll be a link down below to a YouTube video. 

In that video you can learn about the change process and how to use dynamic self-awareness to achieve it. 

“To feeling good no matter what and living a meaningful life that fits.”

db